“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place you go to take.” Anthony Robbins
A foundational element to creating and improving positive relationships is a concept Al Ritter writes about called the 100/0 Principle. Most of us go into a relationship believing that it should be a 50/50 exchange. Two people giving half each, adds up to 100% and then we will all be happy. The challenge is 50/50 doesn’t work a lot of the time. If one person is giving 50% but the other person is only giving 30% because of some challenge they are experiencing in their lives, the relationship suffers.
How do you feel when someone reaches out to you? When they give you 100% because they know you are going through a rough patch or they are just that kind of person. For most of us, that is a person we describe as a true friend or soul mate. “She was there for me when I needed her most.” What if you could be that person most of the time in all your important relationships? What if you became the person who gave what people needed and expected nothing in return, because you recognized the reward in giving?
That is the key to the 100/0 Principle and to great relationships. Give 100% and expect nothing in return. They can give 0% and we will still be there for them because we want to give and we believe that relationship is important.
It is not easy. Our old habits and our fear that our love will not be returned is strong. So just try it on Valentine’s Day. Give 100% and expect nothing in return. See how it makes you feel. If it works, try again another day. If you slip and find yourself upset because you do have expectations and they are not being met, no problem, it is natural and an ingrained habit. Adjust and try again.
If you give 100% and expect nothing in return, how many of your relationships will be successful? The answer is all of them. Every single one will work because you are 100% committed and the other person doesn’t have to do anything. If you have no expectations that they will call you, or bring you flowers, or remember your birthday, or behave in any particular way, you will not have a reason be disappointed in them and they won’t feel pressure to be someone different from who they are. Most likely, and even though you are ok if they don’t, they will respond in kind. They will appreciate your efforts and they will give more than 0%, and often more than 50% back to the relationship. You will find abundance rather than scarcity in your relationship.
How good would you feel if you took control of all your relationships? If you had the opportunity to give to people unconditionally? If you had no expectations and therefore could not be disappointed, but instead had true appreciation and gratitude for everything the other person did? How good would you feel if you knew you were the person that people said “She likes me for me. She lets me be myself and loves me for it.” By following Al Ritter’s 100/0 Principle, you can be that person. Try it on Valentine’s Day.