Valentine’s Day can come with lots of anxiety and stress. You may feel pressured to spend time with someone, even if it is the wrong someone. So how do you know if you’re spending time with the right person? Here are four questions you can ask yourself.
1. Can you be yourself? We are all individual and different. We all have things that we think are fun and interesting, but we are not sure others will share that appreciation. We have our own hopes, and thoughts, and dreams. We all have beliefs and values that make us unique. Can you bring that person, the real you, on the date? Can you be the person you really are, with all the flaws and challenges that go along with your strengths and greatness? Can you let all that shine on this special day and know the person across from you will love you and appreciate you more because of who you are. Or are you spending time with a person who wants you to be someone else? Are you hiding the real you because you are afraid they won’t accept you if they know who you really are? On Valentine’s Day be yourself. You have the right date if you know they will embrace the real you and find it fun and interesting.
2. Are they interested in the authentic you? Spend time with someone who wants to know the real you. You may not have picked the right gift, your clothes may not look exactly like you want them to, and your hair may just not be cooperating. Will that ruin the whole day or can you be comfortable with being imperfect and human around them? Are they focused on your flaws or do they want to know what excites you and what keeps you up at night? Don’t waste time with people who don’t appreciate what you bring to the relationship. The right date is interested in you and everything that package includes; the good and the bad.
3. Are they energy givers? Do you get pumped and excited when you are around them? Do they make you feel stronger and more capable? Do you walk away thinking about the possibilities in life and how you can’t wait to spend more time with them? Or do they bring you down and wear you out. Do they suck your energy and make you feel drained. We are not talking about people who are having a bad day and need your support get them back on track. Helping them feel better, helps your energy. We are talking about the people that want to drain your energy no matter what is happening. The right date has a positive impact on your energy. They fill your cup rather than draining it.
4. Can you do the same for them? This is the most important question for your happiness. Can you accept them as they are? Can you appreciate them when they are their authentic selves rather than expecting them to act differently? Can you give them energy and help fill their cup rather than just expecting them to fill yours? With the right date you can be comfortable being yourself and you can let them be themselves. You can let go of your expectations and enjoy being in the moment.
Creating Your Authentic Valentine’s Day
1. Know it won’t be perfect. You are not perfect and neither is your date. Roll with it. Don’t focus on the imperfections and what doesn’t work. Focus on the great things and what you appreciate and enjoy.
2. They didn’t read this article. They don’t know what you are thinking. We all have different backgrounds, understandings, and perspectives. Share your thoughts and feelings with them. Be open to whatever happens.
3. Have a sense of humor. If you can laugh at yourself and at any situation you will be more comfortable and your date will be more comfortable as well.
4. Support their hopes and dreams. No matter the relationship, we want to be around people who support our hopes and dreams. The people who believe in us even when we don’t believe in ourselves. Be that person for them.
5. Don’t protect yourself from sadness. Experience your feelings deeply. Happiness cannot come if we are numb to sadness. We all have ups and downs in our lives. We have things that go well and things that go horribly wrong. That is life. Experience life; appreciate the bad as well as the good. Be engaged with your life. Don’t skim through life in an attempt to avoid the negative moments. Sadness will come, but it will also pass. Give wholeheartedly and experience the results whatever they may be.
Be vulnerable. Be authentic. Be happy!
“I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.” ― John Green